Thanks to new tech and chic brands, the days of Rampant Rabbits have long gone and sex toys are making a comeback. From sleek bullets to discreet massaging devices, there’s something for everyone – even if you’re a total beginner. We caught up with Rea Deacon, founder of luxe sex toy store Perlesque, about why and how you should introduce sex toys in your relationship…
How do you broach the subject with your other half?
Surprisingly, men can feel a little wary when it comes to using sex toys in a relationship for fear of being ‘demoted’. Start by building up his confidence: telling him about the things he does that you like in the bedroom. Men are very visual beings so perhaps describe a scenario you both always enjoy, then add in how you’d like to use a vibrator in that context. Try to make your other half feel as included as possible. Most partners love to make the other happy – once they see how intensely you can orgasm from the vibrations of a toy and they feel like they’re part of it, there’ll be no looking back.
What kinds of toys are good for first-timers?
Rings are a great place to start – they prolong an erection and will increase enjoyment for both of you. Our ring has a detachable bullet so it’s double the fun. If that’s still a bit much, start by using a toy designed for massage – our palm massager is perfect for first-timers and can help get the mood flowing.
Any tips for using toys on him?
Lower vibrations work well on testicles during intercourse and while you’re performing oral sex. However, the higher settings are often a little too much for the sensitive areas and aren’t for everyone. Some men enjoy vibrations along the length of the penis as well – it’s just a case of seeing what works for you. Try starting with your toys on a low setting and go from there.
How can he use them on you?
Toys are ideal for foreplay, again especially when used on a low setting. While toys are great for giving quick orgasms, try taking your time with them too – they can really help you to achieve multiple orgasms and it’s fun to experiment using them in different positions. Try having him in charge; you in charge with him watching; and having him inside you while using a toy to bring yourself to climax.
Can sex toys lead to better orgasms?
Women who have regular orgasms either through solo play, or with a partner, often say that they climax a lot easier than women who don’t. With this in mind, sex toys can help you get to know your body better and increase your chances of enjoying orgasms with your partner – even without the use of toys together. You have to remember that our intimate areas are muscles and, like all the other muscles in the body, with regular training they become healthier and stronger. Both men and women can train themselves to have more control over these areas and toys can definitely help with this.
Does a vibrator desensitise a woman to the real deal?
No – that’s a myth. The feelings that vibrations give and the feeling of your partner are very different and quite often the contrast can be a wonderful feeling. Some women do report some desensitisation if they’re regular users, but with a timely break from vibrations you can reset this. However, if this is something that concerns you, just stick to using your toys on a low setting.
How can you make sex toys more comfortable?
I would always suggest using water-based lube when using toys, but a little saliva can also go a long way. When we’re aroused we produce more saliva so why not make the most of it?
Any tips for feeling less embarrassed?
Invest in a Perlesque toy: they come in a chic grey colour palette and are all discreet in shape – nothing is overly phallic (well apart from one, we all need one). Keep them in your underwear drawer or bedside drawer and get them out when the mood is right. If you want to introduce them to your partner, there's something very empowering about shopping for toys together. It can also be a great way to take away the stigma – he'll feel part of the process and not excluded.
What’s your hero product and how’s best to use it?
Our hero product is Eris – the unusual shape and small size make it an ideal couple’s toy. It’s designed for clitoral stimulation and is the perfect companion for both solo and couple time.